The Power of Positive Behavior

Posted on | August 11, 2010 | 1 Comment

People do learn by example.  Both the young and old will take notice of your behavior.

A few weeks ago, I discussed on the Strive to Be Gracious Facebook Fan Page the importance of teaching and living by the power of positive behavior by sharing a story of my daughter’s experience at a day camp. 

After attending a day camp for several days, I became aware of  a little girl who had not been playing very nicely with Sofia Isabella or the other children in her class.  By the end of her camp experience, my 6yo was very proud of herself for teaching her classmates at camp good manners and how to be a good friend. 

My point is, she understands the value of positive behavior and is using it to better her own situations. We too can do the same thing every day if we are aware of our surroundings and how our behavior is effecting those around us.

In almost any situation,whether planning your wedding or through our daily interactions with others, we have the power to turn our own lemons into lemonade through the powers of our own positive behavior.

Strive to be Gracious my friends.

Always Strive to Behave Gracious

Posted on | July 19, 2010 | 1 Comment

National Cell Courtesy Phone Month – Tips for a Ringing Free Wedding Ceremony

Posted on | July 7, 2010 | 1 Comment

July is National Cellphone Courtesy Month!

Our obsession with wireless devices began in 1983 with the US introduction of the first 1G network.   Today, the wireless industry has profoundly affected the way we live.  As of late 2009, there are approximately 4.6 billion cell phone subscriptions worldwide, making these priceless devices, which we live and breathe by, a necessary part of our daily lives.

In an effort to encourage the rapidly growing number of disrespectful cell phone users to be more respectful and aware of others and of their surroundings, author and etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, launched National Cell Phone Courtesy Month in July of 2002.

In honor of National Cell Phone Courtesy Month, I have put together a few suggestions on how to avoid a cell phone calamity during your wedding ceremony:

• Print a matching reminder card and attach it to the outside of your ceremony program.
• Post a pretty calligraphy sign on an easel at the church entrance reminding guests to turn off their phones.
• Appoint one of your ushers to make an announcement to the waiting guests: “Guests of the Bride and Groom, the ceremony is about to begin. We ask that you kindly turn off your cell phones at this time.”
• The biggest offenders may be your wedding party and family, who in the hustle and bustle of last minute excitement, will not be reading the sign or the ceremony program. Remind them during your wedding rehearsal to place their phone on “silent” mode or have them check their phones with the wedding planner to avoid a disastrous interruption as you are about to say “I do”.

 

Photo courtesy of JonJon2k8 & Blakeman Flicker Creative Common License | Stats courtesy of Wikipedia

Your Honored Guests

Posted on | June 28, 2010 | 1 Comment

As you learned in The Art of Gracious Wedding Planning, consideration of your guests should be at the forefront of all your wedding related decisions.  While planning your wedding, consider decisions from your honored guests’ perspective.  How will your decisions impact logistics for guests, as well as their comfort and enjoyment?  How do you want your guests to perceive your wedding and what do you want their lasting impression to be? 

It is a tribute to you and an honor when guests join in the celebration of your wedding. Their acceptance of your invitation puts them in a very special category of privilege. As with any guest invited to your home, you must treat your wedding guests with the same forethought and graciousness when planning the event. You have extended an invitation; therefore, you should be conscientious of their comfort and enjoyment. It is critical to understand that their experience while attending your wedding will ultimately determine the success of it.

During your wedding planning, imagine how you would feel attending your wedding as your guest.  In other words step in their shoes and imagine yourself in their place and visualize what they might encounter from the moment they arrive for the ceremony. Have all the aspects been arranged with your guests in mind? Will they be able to hear your vows? Were the wedding programs distributed to everyone? Can your guests see from all angles? Can the directions be challenging such that it would be prudent to provide a map with directions? If you overlook even the tiniest minor details, it can leave your guests isolated, confused or possibly worse.

It is also important to be aware of the expenses that attending your wedding will require. In addition to a wedding gift there is the time and money spent traveling, parking fees, possible overnight accommodations, time away from work, possible taking of personal vacation time, appropriate attire, and babysitters.

Moreover, provide your guests with time for personal acknowledgement and attention during your wedding such as greeting and spending at least a few minutes at each table, dance with your guests and engage in conversation with them.  It can be very beneficial to get your family and your bridal party involved to assist you in keeping your guests enjoying your wedding by allowing them to act as your co-hosts by greeting guests, answering questions, dancing with the single ladies and gentlemen and overall just behaving gracious, warm and friendly to each of your guests. 

By considering your honored guests perspective in each of your wedding planning decisions, you are guaranteed to have your fairytale wedding and be in first place with your guests as the ‘ ‘Best Wedding I Ever Attended’.

Does the Wedding Party have to RSVP

Posted on | May 18, 2010 | 1 Comment

This question comes to us from a loyal MyWedding.com reader:

QUESTION:

Is it proper for the wedding party to respond to a formal wedding invitation when there is no response card?

ANSWER:

It is a very courteous gesture on the part of the couple to include members of their wedding party among their list to receive a formal invitation.  Should you receive a formal wedding invitation, a response card may not be included as you are not expected to formally reply.  Your acceptance to be included as a member of their wedding party is your RSVP.

 

Custom Designed Wedding Invitation courtesy of Trish R. Caal, Embellishments

Wedding Gift Etiquette for the Destination Wedding

Posted on | April 24, 2010 | 3 Comments

What is the proper etiquette when attending a destination wedding, whether domestic or international, when gifts are concerned? 

Jetting off to an exotic island or to wine country is undoubtedly romantic for the wedding couple, as well as fun and exciting for the attending guests. Destination weddings can understandably get expensive for the wedding guests, and thus, guests need to consider and budget all the expenses involved before accepting their invitation. 

As a guest you are responsible for your own transportation costs, accommodations, appropriate attire and a wedding gift.  Also, keep in mind it is likely that guests will be required to take off additional time from work or school for a destination wedding as opposed to a local wedding. As a result, destination weddings often tend to be less attended and consist mainly of immediate family members and very close friends.

The bridal couple should understand that due to the expense and scheduling, not all their desired guests will be in attendance.  However, through thoughtful planning, consideration and plenty of lead time, they should enable their guests’ adequate time to assess whether or not they can make the commitment.

In light of those wedding guests who attended the destination wedding, the bridal couple may not expect a gift because they understand and appreciate the financial commitment undertaken to attend their nuptials. However, as with any wedding, the choice to accept the invitation is optional and therefore despite the additional costs to the wedding guest, the guest is still responsible for providing the couple with a wedding gift for their destination wedding.

Guests can arrange the gift to be delivered to the couple prior to the wedding as to not complicate travel arrangements or may also consider a beautifully hand written congratulatory card enclosed with a monetary gift or gift card to where the couple is registered.

The Courtesy of a Reply….

Posted on | March 24, 2010 | No Comments

Spring marks the beginning of wedding season.  And with wedding season upon us, many guests often have questions regarding their wedding invitation.  

When invited to a wedding many take their own life situation into consideration when responding to a wedding invitation. You are single and you don’t want to go alone. You have a darling child and are sure that he will be so well-behaved no one will notice he is there.

The way in which an invitation is addressed tells you what the couple had in mind when inviting you. If you were invited with a guest the outside envelope would be addressed to: Mr. John Smith. The inner envelope would be addressed to Mr. John Smith and Guest.

If children are invited, the invitation would be address with “and Family” or listed directly under the adult. Adult children living in the same household should receive their own invitation.

Do not put the couple in an embarrassing situation. Do not ask them if you can bring a date or your children to the wedding. And under no circumstance should you ever add names or additional number of guests to your reply card.

A wedding is planned like clockwork. There is no time to rearrange seating to accommodate any additions. Please be respectful of your invitation. It is an honor to be chosen to share their special day. So please be honorable and respect their wishes.

Invitation box set & reply card courtesy of Embellishments

Source:  Respect The Wording On The Wedding Invitation & Response Card:  Advice provided by Claudia Lutman for Luxurious Wedding Etiquette & Protocol July 2008

The Art of Gracious Wedding Planning

Posted on | February 22, 2010 | No Comments

All will agree that Wedding Planning is a very stressful time.  You have so much to do with so little time.  Meaningless issues can create unnecessary drama and one is inescapably inundated with unsolicited, but well-meant advice.

Maintaining your cool while pushing your manners to the limit is always a challenge.  As a coping mechanism, The Emily Post Institute teaches etiquette professionals the Three C’s: Consideration, Communication and Compromise.

However, this concept must be taken just a few steps further.  To ensure a positive planning experience, focus on “The Five C’s” of Wedding Planning”. Cooperation, Consideration, Communication, Compassion, and Compromise are all necessary to plan your wedding with ease and humility.  

For the inevitable difficult situation, each tool will provide you with a valuable strategy to ensure you a memorable and courteous wedding planning experience.

COOPERATION is the cornerstone of planning your wedding or special event. By being gracious you can enlist others to become a very productive support team.

CONSIDERATION should be at the forefront of all your wedding related decisions.  Realize that everyone around you has your best interest in mind.  Be mindful of their input. 

COMMUNICATION allows you to be open to new ideas.  Allow others to voice their opinions, suggestions and concerns. Be considerate and always be grateful for their input.  For example, comments like “That’s an interesting idea. Let me think about it,” are always a good way to take suggestions, even if the particular suggestion is something you may not be particularly fond of.

COMPASSION is something to extend to everyone involved in planning your wedding. Don’t just hear, but listen to each request, and think of each as an effort to give something to you, not to take something from you.  Being compassionate allows you to more easily find a way to properly alter a request if need be, or incorporate it into your wedding plan if you so desire..

COMPRIMISE will become an immediate necessity following your engagement.  While the wedding vision is yours, be attentive to the individual relationships with your family and friends.  Consider their needs or requests. Granting a small compromise now could indeed furnish lifelong benefits.

Many acknowledge wedding planning to be the most confrontational time in ones’s life.  Anticipate and take action against potential issues or problems.  My father always said to be ‘proactive’ rather than ‘reactive.

Think ahead to the big picture.  Marriage is between you, your spouse and your respective families.  Your decisions, actions and behavior will be remembered by others for a lifetime.  How graceful you handle these difficult situations will affect your future relationship with your in-laws, husband and family.  

A gracious bride understands that in the best interest of family dynamics, often times it is in her best interest to take a step back, evaluate the situation and adapt to it. 

A positive attitude is contagious.  Be humble and maintain a gracious attitude while planning your wedding.  A smile makes even the hardest of days, a little easier.

Wedsites

Posted on | January 23, 2010 | 1 Comment

One of the hottest, new and most fun trends for engaged couples today is to create a wedding website; or more popularly known as ‘wedsites’.  

Wedding websites are predominately used to provide pertinent information about your wedding to family and friends.  As their popularity grows they are quickly becoming an invaluable tool.

 Your wedding website should include details relevant to your wedding ceremony and reception, travel information, suggestions on local hotel accommodations, hotel room block(s), your contact information, and your gift registry. You may also choose to included engagement photos and wedding party details. 

 If marrying in a destination with fabulous tourist attractions, your guests will appreciate information related to local tourist hot spots and local touring companies.

Following your wedding, some couples have also utilized their wedding website as a link to guests that were not able to celebrate with them by posting photographs of their  wedding ceremony and reception.

Below are a few suggestions on how to host an informative and polite wedding website:

1.  Avoid using Slang terms that may be misunderstood.

2.   Choose a design layout that represents you as a couple and that reflects your personalities.  A fun and unique suggestion to design your wedding website in the color palette being used in your wedding.

 3. Design a well organized and user friendly site.

4. Keep it “G-Rated & simple.  Do not include any intimate details regarding your relationship such as first kisses, details of dates, and so on.  Keep your story romantic and focused on the nature of your relationship and the pending union.

5. Do not list your wedding website on your invitations.  The best ways to inform guests of your wedsite is by word of mouth, listing it on your save-the-date cards, or on other invitation enclosures such as the reception or response card.

6. Electronic RSVP’s through your website are acceptable; however, it is still necessary to enclose a response card in your invitation ensemble. Include a line on the bottom of your response card to inform guests of this new option by simply stating: “You may also RSVP through our wedding web site at ” http://www.ewedding.com/”

7. Avoid putting a significant emphasis on your gift registries. Use tact when including links to your registry retailers and do not make it the focus of a single page.

8. A traditional wedding invitation must still sent via snail mail and include all pertinent information related to your wedding as there may be a few guests who are not online.

 Many wedding related websites offer to host free wedding websites for couples who register with them such as  http://www.weddingwindow.com/, http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-websites.html, http://www.mywedding.com/main/wedding_websites.html.

Have you created a wedding website?  Has it assisted the wedding planning process and provided guests a feeling of inclusion?

Photos courtesty of WeddingWindow.com and Flicker – Creative  Common License

Bridesmaids Luncheon and a Gift Registry

Posted on | January 9, 2010 | No Comments

A reader of the MyWedding.com etiquette blog recently proposed the following question:

Question:
What kind of registry do you make for a Bridal Party/Luncheon, It will be for my families older women?
I’m guessing to give out my wedding registry but I don’t want to seem greedy and make that family member feel they have to buy things off my wedding registry.

Claudia Says…….

The bridesmaid luncheon or party is a perfect opportunity to thank your bridesmaids for taking part in your wedding. This is your chance to exchange gifts of appreciation with your attendants; it is not customarily an event for the bride to receive gifts or register for this occasion.

The Luncheon/party is customarily hosted by the bridesmaids, with the Maid or Matron of Honor spearheading the details, though the mother of the bride or the bride herself may also do the honors. This optional revelry is often held a day or two before, or even the day of the wedding (if it’s a tea or Luncheon).

The guest list should include the bride, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, bridal attendants, the flower girl, and her mother. Though it is not dictated by traditional etiquette, in the interest of family dynamics, consider extending the invitation to any sisters of the bride or groom and their grandmothers.

A Themed Bridal Shower is a convenient alternative to a bridesmaid luncheon. Some popular examples include kitchen, bath, house wares, or lingerie showers. For such an occasion, you may choose to register separately from your master wedding registry.

The shower’s theme may be noted on the invitation. Include the registry information as well as color preferences or sizes, listed on a separate insert sent with the shower invitation, not on the invitation itself.

Remember, it is imperative that anyone invited to any type of shower must be invited to your wedding; otherwise it appears as though it is just a ploy for gifts. The one and only exception to this rule is when co-workers or club members wish to give a shower as a way of offering their congratulations.

How many of you will be having a Bridesmaid Luncheon, Tea or Party? Will you use thisopportunity to present your ladies with a token of appreciation? Let me know!

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• National Cell Courtesy Phone Month – Tips for a Ringing Free Wedding Ceremony
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• Does the Wedding Party have to RSVP

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